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With one lonely Ben
Franklin left, I would...
Dear Mark,
If you had just $100 left to bet in a casino, how
would you wager it? Doug D.
You should have asked me earlier, Doug. The casinošs
mission is twofold: first, to empty your wallet, and
second, to keep you smiling. This was best described
by Bob Stupak, a former casino operator in Las
Vegas, when he told U.S. News and World Report:
"Itšs our duty to extract as much money from the
customers as we can and send them home with a smile
on their face."
If you are down to your last $100, the casinošs goal
is accomplished. Except, Doug, I hardly think that
one of sane mind would be smiling about it.
Realize that casinos are green felt jungles and
youšre playing war. The gurus of guerrilla gambling
will tell you that you fight back only by making
bets that have a 2% house advantage or less. If you
do, youšll stand a better chance of: turning the
tables back in your favor, staying in action longer,
smiling, and yes, stopping the plinking of your
hard-earned cash into the casinošs piggy banks.
So, here you stand, near insolvent, with just $100
remaining, and quite possibly someone near and dear
saying, "I told you, but you just wonšt listen."
Here is what most, if not all the gaming experts,
Yours Truly included, would recommend you play:
Blackjack: Played with perfect basic
strategy.
Craps: A pass line bet with odds or placing
the 6 or 8. A pass line bet and placing the 6 or 8.
Both have a house advantage of less than 1.5
percent.
Video Poker: Good machine selection, and
again, perfect basic strategy.
Baccarat: Betting either the bank or player
hand. The house advantage is 1.17% when betting the
bank hand or 1.36% with a player hand wager.
I have just mapped out the avenue most experts would
take with their last $100. Nevertheless, if you are
down to your last $100, one of two things has
probably happened. Either your eveningšs allotment
of luck has gone way south, dooming even your last
$100, or your play has been so apocalyptically bad,
despite the advice of gurus, that nothing can come
out of it but a post mortem.
So, the $64 ($100) question remains. If I personally
were limited to making just one play in a casino and
had just $100 left, what wager(s) would I make?
Too easy! Whether or not a professional sporting
event is preceded by the national anthem, by golly,
you can get action on it in the Silver State. And
since one of my passions is open wheel racing (IRL),
my one wager would be on the Indianapolis 500,
sitting in a sportsbook for three hours sipping free
cocktails and watching grown men (and woman, Sarah
Fisher) making left-hand turns while wasting
methanol. Yet, the gambling public may not share my
fixation for boredom, so herešs plan B, a
point-spread wager on your favorite sporting event.
Now park your tail end in one of their cushy chairs
and enjoy the game.
Whenever you place a point-spread type wager, you
lay 11 to win 10. That means if you want to win
$100, you have to wager $110 (borrow the extra $10
from your spouse who is probably winning, or, just
bet the $100) no matter which team you are betting
on. If you win, you will collect $210 -- your $110
wager plus the $100 winnings. The 11 for 10
commission, also called a vigorish (a.k.a. vig), is
the compensation taken by the house on every sport
bet wagered. You might need to scrounge about in
your lint-filled pockets for a couple quarters to
enjoy the $1 hot dogs, or those denizens of the
deep, 99-cent shrimp cocktails.
Then there is plan C: Betting the ponies. A $2 wager
on an equine long-shot overdue for the glue factory
can be an inexpensive diversion when the casino is
pounding the hell out of your bankroll. How hard is
it to spend ten minutes with a Racing Form, and then
guess? Gitty up!
And who knows, Doug, you might actually calm the
near-and-dear, put an extra $100 in your hip pocket,
enough to put you back in action to fight another
round guerrilla style, making ONLY those bets that
have less than a 2% house edge.
Online Gambling quote of the week: "I wouldnšt put a
red cent in a slot machine, and the only time youšll
see me at a craps table is when Išm running it."
Amarillo Slim
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